Listening to Heal Someone
Let us start with one experience that changed my life, and I am quite sure that same can change yours, or maybe, you can help in changing someone else’s life with it. Change in a way to pluck someone out of a self-pitied world they have been living in – with the power of LISTENING!
In a world, where nearly everyone has a story to tell, but not everyone has a person who is willing to listen to them, without relating it to their own story, or interrupting with a completely different thing.
Listening is an Underrated Art
The most beautiful part about listening is that it can heal the person whom you are listening to. At times, it’s the best gift.
In my past one year of meeting people, who were suffering from anxiety, depression and other mental health problems, I have realized that listening is one of the best gifts you can give to the person whom you think is suffering.
The unconditional way of listening someone makes them feel about themselves. I consider it a meditative form by which they vent out what’s been making them feel awful. It could be anything.
Listening To People Can Make Them Happy
A few days back, after I had a long chat with my old friend, mostly based on listening to her, where she told me that she had more than 12,000 followers on twitter and no one to talk to when she was alone. I let her vent out everything she had been storing inside her; it was a long session of just listening.
Later she convinced me that she was feeling better than before. I tried the same thing with several others and I was really pleased with the results. The process of listening to someone without interrupting and without throwing any judgment can be like the medicines of happiness for them. There are so many books on the topic. Listening has also been mentioned by Dale Carnegie as a way to make a better relationship with people.
Listening Without Judging Or Criticising
Plato, a classical Greek Philosopher, once said, “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.”
Sometimes it becomes easier for our mind to judge others based on their current status. People say weird things; most of the things won’t even make sense, and a lot more won’t be true. Keep in mind that beliefs are never more important than the person who is special to you. The ego that comes in between to be a winner often makes things worst. That’s what the ego is good at.
Here is the list you should follow in order to heal a person through listening with undivided attention:
Have a one-to-one conversation
Whenever you want to hear a person, always opt for one-to-one conversation as compared to going for a group discussion. Group discussion is not a very good option unless there is feedback required. It can also shut the speaker. Whereas, a one-on-one conversation can give confidence to the speaker.
Make Great Environment for Listening
Even though everything that’s less noisy can do the trick. However, it heavily depends on the speaker. Moreover, I always suggest a place that is quiet and peaceful. Environment vastly affects the speaker.
Most beautiful places for listening are- car, less-crowded coffee house, or somewhere in nature. Bars and Clubs are a no-go.
Do not judge
Yes, do not judge. Different circumstances breed different actioner.
Anger can shut them off
If you get angry easily, meditate before listening. Just take 10 super deep breaths before starting to meet your speaker. Remember anger is the worst thing that can literally mess things up in this situation. You can literally shut off the speaker and they won’t be able to make that connection with you easily.
Remember anger is something that will lock their doors. Be more accepting.
They Don’t want to hear your Opinion/ Story
Please don’t tell about how you felt when the same thing happened to you. Or what you would have done in that situation unless explicitly asked. And yes, please don’t share your story about how you went to the jungle and came back a leader of the wolfpack of.
Remember it’s about them, not about you. Do not try to make it about you.
Don’t Say Things Like These
- “It’s you who have decided to be sad.”
- “It’s all in your mind”
- “It’s because of the worthless sad metal songs you hear.”
- “You have to make yourself happy.”
- “You must be happy.”
- “Back in the older days, there were no problems like this.”
You will make it worse by saying it. Several situations are very easy to judge unless you are the one who is trapped.
Be more accepting, and don’t give harsh feedback. People have different weapons to deal with different things, they might not be having what you have. You might not be having what they have.
Be extremely polite
Yes, more important than anything. Friedrich Nietzsche once said, “We often refuse to accept an idea merely because the tone of voice in which it has been expressed is unsympathetic to us.”
It’s the tone of the voice that is very important. You can say anything to anyone if you have the right tone of voice. Now is a good time to notice if you have a humble tone of voice – if you don’t, now is a great time to start working on it.
Ask questions related to them
To show that you are listening with undivided attention. Please ask a question that is related to it, like asking more about an incident that was just described by the speaker. It will turn into such an engaging conversation that the speaker would not like it to end. A question that proves that you are curious to know about what happened,
Deep inside each and every person wants to be loved and appreciated. It doesn’t matter where the appreciation comes from. It matters that the speaker was appreciated. Genuinely tell them how amazing they did.
Tell them how special they are.
Now is the time to tell them how special they are, and how you accept them or love them for the way they are. How it makes them unique. You can’t fix them. You can only listen. But there are chances that it will be more worth than being fixed.
Listening is the pure magic of a thing. You can give so much a person, more than you can imagine. It’s also a harsh reality that it becomes hard to find people who are listeners, as everyone one has a story and all looking for a place to vent it.
In a world that can’t stop talking, be a listener, and see the magic begin.
Thank you so much for reading. Contact me here if you want to say anything.